Monday, May 11, 2009
Bitter.
Name the most common and predominant adolescence problem amidst teens like me? Possibly ranked no, one's BGR. In my entire adolescence till now, ranking number one is my relationship with my mom. Whatever impacts from it hits me harder than any BGR, confusing and demoralising. Our relationship has never been anywhere positive or assuring, forget about those times i needed support most. People run to their mothers when they need emotional support, the maternal love humans crave for and the gentle soothing reassurances from. I'm always green with envy when i hear or see how fortunate my friends around me keeping such warm and tight relationship with their mothers.
In turn, while i envy them i can't help looking at my own mom and thinking about our rocky relationship. Call it the Electra Complex, perhaps. We simply can't click, totally. Our frequencies are way off from each other's. If not for our relationshio as mother-daughter, we can never be friends. It is, sadly that bad. Words simply cannot describe the angst and inferiority i have felt over the years. So much so at times i'd wanted to just pack up leave. Keep my distance forever from her. I...can't describe all that she's done to me and it's just nearly impossible for me to forgive whole heartedly. No..forget might be easier but it's always there. Nonetheless, the wound is deep and it still hurts pretty badly.
Which soul in this world doesn't crave for a mother's love? A father's love or a grandmother's love is never equivalent to a mother's love. I can never find mine in this life.
Talk in my flooble chatterbox! ( if your can\'t tag on the screen!(: )
