La~mour

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Boredom

Frankly speaking, having too much time on hand really doesn't sound that good. At least that applies to me. Into the month of December, i'm already feeling myself wasting my life away, with a rusty mind. I kinda miss mugging (sure, call me crazy) and the books, the formulas, the huge stashes of notes. If only we can turn time back, and given this much time as now, i'd study even more meticulously. Speak about regret, there are simply too much regret in life-things i wish i had done them, as well as many things i wish i hadn't. Tell me to get over with them sounds really easy, try overcoming that yourself you may agree with me it is hard.

Disappointment is yet another obstacle in my life. Things get really cranky when it all comes together, happening at the same time. I can't pretend or hide the prickling feeling when disappointment reels in, especially among people i'm close with. Defensive i may be, not because it's my nature, but due to past experiences i feel a need to protect myself. Friends can accompany and be a part of one's life, memories, but none can stay with me all my life, despite how we trust them. It is inevitable that man must be lonely until they find their companions made out for them to live with, their lives intertwined. There are many things i want to say, deep down from my heart. But as a public blog where privacy is concerned, it didn't seem like a good idea to share here.

Perhaps it's all the boredom and wasting of my life that's causing me to feel surpressed like a caged sparrow. A caged sparrow will end its life if caught and caged, that's why a sparrow is regarded as a bird that requires freedom.
Sometimes it may be a good idea to break free from the mindset of not doing things on our own. Being the lone one may feel threatened or timid, sometimes even scary; perhaps that can help one find new excitement, meet new people and friends, or see the world better with more exposure. So much to stick with groups or pairs..do things alone may be an interesting start.

Oh well,everyone's in a not too good mood today, tonight. So i guess i shall retreat to my trusty private corner with my confidante., that's readily for me even when the whole world leaves me behind..till then..

LA~mour at 11:25 PM