La~mour

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Pain.

It came suddenly, that moment, that split second. Like a virus it spread through the body. Searing, hot, overwhelming. It felt good for a while, but too much of that hurts. Yea, it hurts and hits real badly.

Is it a normal feeling to feel numb? Except this was numbness from too much pain? Oblivious of it, I though i was free from the evil grasp of that. Perhaps it had been with me all along, all these while, myself blanketed in the dark. The word is

PAIN.

Did i really take this long to recognise it? Or perhaps i've grown so accustommed to it that it didn't hurt that much already? Even unaware of its presence inthe present daily life?

I'm sorry X. There is simply too much disparity in character between us. I did not mean to be that way. Perhaps it was just me being blunt but yes, i also harboured something against you. You were so forbidding. And the scars you've planted weren't shallow, mind you. It has in fact changed my life, my perspectives towards things. The scars and the memories related to it, brought about more pain. Pain which i eluded from. Pain which could rack me head to toes. Please do not think that i do not care. I do, secretly, though. But your hostility turned me off. Your sacarsm pricked my sincerity and trimmed my confidence away. Like a snail, i lock myself in when i feel threatened. That is basic instincts of human nature, isn't it? Deep down inside, i love you too as much as A but i can't openly tell my love before a sacarstic you, can i?Rejected many times of my sincerity by you, i stopped. But i want you to know i still love. Do youi know how it feels to be rejected? Hence A is whom i can turn to, whom i can love openly, whom i can be assured that i haven't lost myself, also whom my love is reciprocated. I still love you.

I have to keep on putting up a brave strong front. Yes, I have to. Just a little more..but the pain is too much to bear, far exceeding the stages of numbness. It's too overwhelming that i'm on the verge of breaking into pieces. To live is a chore.

LA~mour at 10:31 PM