Wednesday, September 13, 2006
I have a hunch that my swings are back, perhaps when i'm getting stressed up? Seriously i do not know. The problem would probably source from me, at least a fair bit of the fault. At this moment, i'll probably be lying if i say that i am nowhere near lost. Yes, i am feeling that tinge of lost and it's probably going to get worse soon.
Sometimes i'd just wish that you'd not blow your top at me. It seriously turns me off. But then again, i know deep down you care, you are worried. And so am i. Who ain't worried? I'm scared inside but who's going to come curb my insecurity and really make me feel that yes, everything's going to be alright. I admit that i was equally pissed as you were but you just keep blowing your top off and expect me to produce the result you want to see, without sparing a thought how i feel; Or even my understand my difficulties. Is that fair to me? As much as i want to satisfy you and myself, my being goals, do you know i get frustrated with myself? Or rather, do you even know that i have feelings?
Okay, i admit i have my share in the fault too. But i'll try to soothe you by doing what you want, how's that. I just need you to understand. Sometimes i really question: WHy can't you be a little bit more understanding to my life, my ups and downs, MY LIFE? Please..i'm no prisoner of yours anymore, never again..
My chemistry paper was bad i reckon. Paper 1 maybe can score, but apper 2's..a huge problem. Drats, it's just sooooooooooooo blardie irritating that for my science papers, i tend to screw my paper 2 or even 3s big time, eventually pulling the overall grades to some horrid degree. OMG
It's a race against time, i am trying very hard not to fall into the state of lost again but whenever my results demoralise me, it's difficult. Fall and pick up where we have fallen and continue; souonds easy to do? Try it yourself. It's NOT easy AT ALL. That activation energy's huge. I am scared really scared. The big A's hovering round the corner bringing about glee yet also heebie jeebies. The long awaited period, yet highly feared. What the hell, what an irony. Life's full of ironies. I'm not surprised.
I feel that i really love da Jie and S.Mei alot. They really helped me a lot both in spiritual and physical support. I am really thankful to have met them and eventually become godsisters with them. Thanks Da Jie for willing to push me for the final bend. I will submit the programme list and the dAtes to you soon and gosh please do, whack me or whatsoever, drill my discipline. I need a good whacking.
My torment, the source of my torment..i WILL overcome and put an end to it beautifully.
I WILL I WILL I WILL I WILLI WILL I WILL I WILL I WILL I WILL!!!!!
Talk in my flooble chatterbox! ( if your can\'t tag on the screen!(: )
