La~mour

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Blankness

I feel the need to connect my thoughts and express myself. Being extroverted, i can't keep all my troubles to myself, other than those really private matters..And so I m here, blogging.

With so many of my seniors and friends enlisted into NS while the females work, i realised the number of people i enjoy chatting with online decreased drastically. My other 'brothers' and 'sisters' of the same age are working or studying at polys, and they are getting busy with work etc. Suddenly i feel quite cut off from the outside world. While this state may be good for me to concentrate on studying, i feel like i'm isolated. " Lonelinees is the enemy of most extroverts" I wonder how true is this, in terms of applying to extroverts..Haha..Yea, Missing so many people! Missing people like Bingz, bro Bear, rx jeff, yx, tse...oh and the list goes on..

"Never say DIE" I shall try to pull myself together..how i dislike growing up yet ironically i wanna grow up for an adult's priviledges, the advantages ..Oh well..i'm starting to contradict myself in thinking OMG..haiz..There's simply too much work to do, too much OVERDUED work especially to finish..What a race against time... Then on one hand, suddenly i recalled once in sec 3 i cried after a maths test--reason being i couldn't do a single question and i was very upset abt tt..When i recall that feeling, it was just like my panic attacks. Now i fully understood why i cried. Reason being, i actually cared about my work. And am uptight on my progress academically while balancing my sports and other activities..That feeling,till today i can still vividly recall, even experience that panic now. That is what i feel now, this moment. A lvls may be what we termed as ' so near yet so far' . I'm already left constantly on tenterhooks...and i m very scared..

On the other hand, yesterday was not too bad, for a change. Joined Sheena's church choir with K and JH and err..i wasn't oon time coz i err kinda end up at the wrong place due to the wron gbus taken.Oh well, after choir i hung around with the rest, watch some sermonspresented by speakers of GYC( dunno what sthg Youth Conference). I was pretty amazed by their eloquence and impressive speech..HAHa, i tried to be demure and hardworking and do a bit of maths.Err that effort was futile for i ended up singing songs with the rest on guitar:P Whoops.. Basically dinner was one hearty meal--Vegetarian food, some place at AMK-"Ru Lai vegetarian Food" Did i mention that I was vegetarian for the whole day? lol kinda proud of myself(= Yea, and it was nice hanging arnd with K and family. They are really nice people. Sometimes i really wished my mom could be as nice as hers..sighs..I dun even recall the last time my own family went out for a meal together :S..Wished i really had a blood brother..someone i can talk and relate to and protected by, free from the feeling of insecurity..I wonder what my future lies..and how it will be like..Who will come fill the holes for me..

LA~mour at 9:47 PM